My Struggle

*UPDATED 
 
"Sometimes we choose to reject God's guidance because we value how we feel way more than we value the future God has for us."  Eric Bryant

About a year ago, Wes began seriously looking at attending a seminary where he could pursue a Master of Divinity degree. 

During the last nine months, Wes has been attending seminary, and our prayer has been that God would open another pastorate or other ministry position locally which would allow him to continue his education at SWBTS.  God was not opening that door.

We prayed that if God was going to keep the pastorate or ministry door closed then would he open employment at SWBTS.  God has not opened that door.

In March Wes heard from a pastor search committee, which had received his resume' last fall, but had pursued someone else originally.  This committee was curious to see whether Wes was still available and open to them considering him as a possible candidate for their pastor if the Lord led them in that direction. Wes was excited to have finally heard something from somewhere, while I was less than thrilled, as the church was not local or even in the part of Texas I like. 

After a couple of weeks this committee asked Wes to send them one of his sermons.  As God had already divinely appointed it, Wes had preached at our home church the Sunday before, so he sent them that sermon.

Several weeks later Wes heard back from this committee, and they wanted to set up a meeting with Wes and me.  Three weeks ago we met with them.

During all of this, I've NOT been excited.   This town is NOT where I would pick to live.  It's NOT in the DFW metroplex or in north east Texas.  It would mean moving from a church (Birchman) that I (and the rest of my family) currently LOVE.  It would mean going back to a small town.  It would mean being further from our extended family.  It would mean moving away from friends we've had, and from friends we've made. It would mean giving up new activities for the kids. It would mean starting over, and it's just NOT my heart's desire.

It would fulfill Wes's passion & desire to preach and serve the local church.  It would answer the two biggest prayer requests I've had over the last several months.

So why am I not praising God?  Why am I sad when I think about it?  Why on one day can I say "Lord, I surrender this to you and I'll go where you lead" and on the next, say "Lord, I don't want to go."

I wonder whether I am choosing to reject God's guidance because I care more about my feelings (worldly desires & passions)  than I value the future God has for me & my family.

God is dealing with me and molding me.

When you think of me, please pray that I will follow God's will and not my own, and that I'll allow Him to change my heart's desire.

****UPDATE:
 God did not lead us the the church mentioned above.  He provided us with clear direction and answered our request specifically on the matter.  I praise Him for giving us a very clear answer.   I also praise Him for challenging me and continuing to mold me.  Thank you to those who prayed with Wes and I over this decision and continue to pray for us.